6 Ways To Stop People Pleasing

1. Be Honest With Yourself & Others

I had a huge slap in the face when I graduated college and had NO IDEA what in the world I wanted to do with my life. I knew that I was creative, so I enjoy things like graphic design, social media, modeling, fashion but I didn't necessarily major in any of that because I was so focused on finding a major that would be prestigious enough to show off but I knew in my heart that I didn't want a "regular job" and I wanted to be able to wear what I want and choose what hairstyles I want, and have long nails if I want, and get tattoos where I want, without judgment. Long story short, I ultimately concluded that I wanted to be an entrepreneur and lifestyle influencer that inspires people to also, figure out what aligning with themselves means. Even after coming to that conclusion, I still struggled with the idea of doubt and the thoughts of other people possibly saying, " you need a real job", or "that's only possible for a select few" & following that mindset I ended up accepting a job that I wasn't that interested in, so it consisted of me being underpaid, overworked, and I felt purposeless but on the positive side of that is that I met amazing people, gained professional etiquette skills, and learned a lot of lessons, but I know what my true calling is and this is it, writing to you guys. So, from what I've learned being honest is embracing who you are, what you like, and what you don't like. Being honest allows you to connect with your higher self by permitting you to be who you want to be. So I urge you to ask yourself, are you being honest with yourself?

2. Acknowledging Your Needs, Wants & Boundaries

A big part of people-pleasing is putting other's needs before yours. Understanding that you can not fill up anyone else's cup if your cup is half-filled or empty, just doesn't make sense. The issue with people-pleasing is that we want others to feel satisfied, taken care of, all of that but when it comes to us, we just kind of are like it is what it is, I will be okay blah blah, but no cause if you don't put yourself first, then who will? For example, do you have someone in your life that repeatedly asks for your money but if you give them the money, you will also be in a tough financial situation but since you're in a better position you feel like you HAVE to help? Yeah, no. God does not want us living in struggle, he wants us to live in abundance. He would like for us to help people and give IF WE ARE ABLE, but in my opinion, God is not in the business of making us struggle.

On the other side, I may be choosing violence with these next few examples, but are you expecting the man you want to reach your standards but not holding him accountable when he doesn't reach them or even upholding them yourself. For example, are you expecting your man to be there emotionally, or financially but you just spent bread on shopping but have no savings, and you definitely skipped journaling for a few weeks and partially do your self-care routines? Yeah, we gotta fix this! It's so crazy because sometimes we do not even notice how much we kind of fall of the track when we don't have the discipline of taking care of ourselves, but that's just the key, discipline and also, consistency.

3. The Ability To Say No

Another tool of boundaries is the ability to say no. This ability to say no is a very challenging obstacle to conquer, but it is the most rewarding! It's hard to say no to a lot of things especially when you don't want to hurt people's feelings, or you've already done it before, and things like that but saying no helps you to make time for yourself, not take on responsibilities that are not yours, it allows you to have a sense of self because you get to decide for you, instead of having to say the resentful yes to whatever is being asked of you.

4. People Will Have Opinions

THIS!!! People will have opinions regardless of if you are doing amazing things, bad things, doing nothing, all that. People will legit have an opinion of you existing but an opinion is just an opinion, that's it. I started feeling a whole lot more carefree when I realized nothing even really matters, what is made for you is for you by God and no one can ruin that. You will make mistakes, yes, okay? So, how else are you going to learn what to do next time? Take accountability, learn from it, and move on, be free from it. As long as you have good intentions towards anything you do, say, or think, how could you lose, and why let someone's words, interpretations, and feelings twist it.

5. You Are Only Responsible For You

This kind of goes hand in hand with people having opinions, because when you make a choice, it is for you, it shouldn't be making decisions to please someone else, or for an opinion. I say that to say girllll don't let anybody put their burdens or opinions on you, especially if they don't know how to take accountability themselves. You can only control your actions, your decisions, your intentions.

6. Guilt, Let Go Of It

While we're on the subject of guilt, you deserve to be forgiven. Jesus died on the cross, so we could be free of sin and forgiven by God. If God forgives us for every sin, then y'all we need to be forgiving ourselves for mistakes AND forgiving others for mistakes. We are letting that situation go, letting what has been said go, we are letting go and letting God chilee !